Watching today's show brought up so many emotions because I was that little girl!  I just wanted to reach through that screen and hug her.  She is not alone in this fight, which to be honest, WILL be the hardest fight in her life.  

When I was 10, a family member started to sexually abuse me.  I grew up thinking that it was his way of showing his love to me.  That I was special that he would do things to me.  Once I really understood what he was doing, I was unable to stop it.  So at the young age of 12, I tried my first drug.  However, I never thought I was doing anything wrong because my stepdad used pot everyday.  We actually were able to get the ends of the joints from the ash tray and roll new joints with them.  I also had an older sister who hung out with "the wrong crowd" and all of her friends thought it was so cool to watch her little sister get high.  There were times where I would sneak out with her friends and never told my sister.  Along with the pot came drinking A LOT.  I was filling sprite bottles with vodka.  I would drink at school and nobody caught on.  I secretly wanted to get caught.  Along with the pot smoking, and drinking came sex.  Something that I feel so very ashamed about.  One of my hardest part of my past to deal with.  At the age of 12, I was having sex on a regular basis.  The family member who took my innocence made me think that I could get the affection from others if I would give my body to them.  At the age of 12, I looked 16 or 17, so I was with a lot of older boys.  I would go home and shower for hours because I felt dirty.  I would then drink more to get away from the feeling.  At the age of 14, my  mom and step dad sent me away to live with my biological dad....Which I wanted to get away from a certain family member.  However when I got there, I had not clue what I got myself into.  We lived in a TINY metal travel l trailer.  I had no bed, no running water and two drug addicted parents who put their habit over my well being.  My step mother was very abusive.  I started a new school in a tiny town and because I was always dirty and wearing dirty clothing, I did not make many friends at all.  We were there for 4 months and then we moved to the city that my dad's new methadone clinic was.  We lived in a hotel for a few months as well.  My dad and step mom would buy me drugs.  They would do them with me.  I remember once they gave me pot laced with something and they thought it was just so very funny to see their 14 year old freak out.  Living in the hotel made it even more dangerous...I am sure if you have ever been to one of those weekly hotels, you would know what I am talking about.  I also hardly ever ate anything.  I moved in with them weighing 130lbs and I got down to 85.  The only calories that was going into my body was booze.  
We were able to get an apartment in a REALLY bad area.  and I started high school.  I was a flute player and i would always turn to that for my escape from my pain.  I joined the high school marching band.  While there, I met a girl who was a recovering addict and she invited me over to her house.  She lived with her aunt and uncle who were both recovering.  To see such a happy family, it made me HUNGRY for what they had.  I got clean two weeks after meeting them.  Around the same time, I met my high school sweet heart who I helped me though so much.  My step mom became even more abusive.  I would have to lock myself in my room and hide from her.  I had guns pulled on me, nails dug in my back, some things were said to me that still affect me.  I would have to sneak out of my window to go to school during the day.  My step mom would call my school and tell them that I was a looser and that they should pull me out...yet, nobody EVER called CPS.  At the age of 17, They got evicted from our apartment and told me the day before that they were loosing it and that I better get my stuff out and find a place because they were not telling me where they were going.  So I was homeless at 17.  I took on a full time job, I still went to high school MORE then full time (I had to take two extra classes to graduate) I was homeless while all of this.  Staying at different friends houses until I turned 18. A week after I turned 18, I married my high school sweetheart.  We were able to get an apartment and I was able to graduate high school!  That was the day that I started my new life!  We have been married for almost 8 years (our anniversary is just two weeks away!) and I have three BEAUTIFUL babies.  I am VERY protective of my kids and I promised the Lord that I will keep everything that happened to me away from them.  My drug addicted step mom died of an overdose two years ago.  Today, I had an awful awakening.  I had a family member on my facebook page and she posted a picture of the man who sexually abuse me on her profile picture.  It brought back so many memories and on top of this show today, it made me NEED to share my story with you all.  I have told my other family members about the abuse but they are all in denial and won't believe me.  I am just so thankful that this man lives on the other side of the USA and does not know where I live.