JailRN's Blog

Widow(er)s

How are all of you who have lost a spouse coping??

 

I'm SO sad without him,

(don't get me wrong, I'm not checking out of life),

angry that he's dead,

guilty when I'm somewhere that I should be having a good time, but, can't enjoy myself,

can't part with his 'stuff', because I feel like I'm throwing a part of him away,

don't talk about him much, as I think people are getting tired of hearing it,

crying every day,

not looking to 'replace' him, (most of the men that I know, I wouldn't have coffee with, let alone date) 

it's difficult raising 2 sons without their father, who was awesome.

People  say, 'Oh, I know just what you're going through, my dog died yesterday' and I want to strangle them. Women hang onto their men a little tighter around me. (I DON'T want yours, trust me!!)

I enjoy being with my sons, working, and being at home. Life goes on without him even though I think it shouldn't.

I can put on a good front in public. Please don't think I have my face in a hanky every waking minute. I'm not looking for pitty. I've tried support groups-they didn't work.

I don't think losing a spouse is as hard as losing a child-that's the ultimate sorrow. (in my opinion)

How are the rest of you coping??

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veronica

It sounds like you are coping maybe not as much as you would like but you are coping. And as with anything time takes care of the pain. As far as his things when you are ready for it to go then it will go. And if people don't like hearing you talk about him shame on them. Its sounds like you are doing all the right things for yourself and you boys. I think you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Hang in there and follow your heart. I can sit here and say I know what you are going through but the truth of the matter is everybodys pain and the way they deal with it is different. I have lost someone very close to me and the pain is still there 3 years later but with each day that goes by it gets easyer. keep coping. I'm sure that is what he would want for you and your sons. God Bless

                                                                             Veronica

                                                                        

                                     

mrs woz
jailrn, wow the stories i could tell you! first let me congratulate you on getting by, one day after another. its hard i know. i was widowed back in '94, our son being just 7 years old. everything you said in here i understand perfectly... but let me explain, the grief never fully goes away, but it does get easier. i too tried the 'support' groups. ok, they may work for some, but they didn't for me either.  looks like you did the 3 steps by yourself, the angriness, the guilt, and you actually are healing, believe it or not. as for getting rid of his things? why should you. over the years you'll get rid of this and that till you come down to just a big boxful of memories of him. the best thing someone told me was that God will let you lose someone only when He feels you are strong enough to go on without them. i'm not a very religious person, but it worked for me. please let us know how you are doing from time to time. thanks. 
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