First I want to thank those readers who have been giving me some good positive feedback on my blogs so far. Early on in my cancer journey I had a friend who encouraged me to blog. However i never blogged before and did not know how to set one up. I also felt that because my cancer was caught so early (I am so blessed!) and really is curable that my story would be boring. I'd read other blogs of really courageous people who have had it a lot worse than me and always thought - what can I possibly add.
I have found writing (and I have done some in a journal) has been helpful for me. And I am feeling pretty good about sharing some of my thoughts and insights in an open forum like this. I would be so honored if I put a tidbit that strikes a tone with one person or perhaps share a perspective that helps someone else. At the very least I get to use this to get things off my chest.
So every Friday night is my knight with my husband to celebrate the weekend and to enjoy each others company. I remember I had my knee surgery on a Thursday and made it to Friday Night services at our temple (did not have the energy to go out after). A week after my mastectomy we went to Friday Night services. True to form after having a surgical procedure this past Monday my husband and I went to services last night and went out for a bit after. I was tired but it was really good to push myself to have some good "connect time" with my husband.
This started to make me think about how I had good times with family and friends even while embarking on the traumatic and difficult cancer journey. Anyone who has gone through this knows that the time between biopsy an diagnosis can make you crazy with anxiety. The only good from that is it worked wonders for my "stress diet". Seriously take the advice in my last post - don't let it drive you crazy. Concentrate on what you know today to be true today. So back to the point. I was thinking about the times during this crazy journey where I felt pretty good, fairly normal, almost like on "Vacation from Cancer."
It came after most of the biopsy results were in and as we were finalizing the game plan (ie: How I was going to beat the cr""" out of breast cancer). There were less doctor's appointments and phone calls. I was able to concentrate better at work. I was able to make fun plans at lunch - meeting up with friends rather than working at my desk because I had to make phone calls, or using my lunch for doctor's appointments and tests. I remember a particularly good week I met two friends for lunch on two different days and went to a "girls night" cocktail party. At lunch I had a fun time laughing over the ridiculous things about cancer as I met with a friend who was six months ahead of me on this journey. We laughed about being bald (she looked great and i was wondering how I would look bald) funny things about our husbands and cancer and everything else.
At the happy hour I really only knew one of the women going and she encouraged me to come along. It was so nice to just relax and talk about normal things. I made a promise to "not talk about Cancer" at cocktails. At happy hour i talked about "normal things" work, being the mother of teenagers, plans for the summer (keeping out the fact that mine was going to be consummed by surgery and perhaps chemo, at that time I was not sure if I would be taking chemo). It was such fun.
The next time was during the summer when my husband and I had the chance to get away for the weekend. We had a wonderful New England Weekend walking around during the day, enjoying the marinas, taking a nap in the afternoon (at least I did). We went out for dinner and drinks. Talked about our kids, sports (I will admit we were in Red Sox Territory and relished over a Yankee win!). I was having fun. At some point I said to myself how can I be relaxed and having fun - I have Cancer. That lasted two seconds. I said to heck with Cancer I am having fun - I am taking a vacation from cancer!
So, even if you are going through a tough time whatever it is you have to find a way to not let it totally consume you. You need to enjoy each moment as best you can. One of my surgery meditations was really good it would say something to the effect "there may be times when you feel bad or overwhelmed, acknowledge it and let it go". So if you are having a difficult journey such as cancer or another physical or emotional issue, It is important to acknowledge your feelings but it is OK to take a break from it., put it on the side so that you can enjoy the moment you are in. It is important to find enjoyment in life.. that is what life is all about.
So its Saturday - what are you going to do today to enjoy the day, your family and your friends!
A couple of post thoughts:
1. To RobbReport - I have no idea what type of Tai Chi I am doing. It is offered through my wonderful Bennett Cancer Center. I take it once a week (although had to take a break because of my surgery Monday). I know there is a long form and a short form. I am pretty good at following because of my previous martial arts background but I don't know or remember enough to do on my own. I only do it once a week so it will be a long time before I get it all so that I can practice on my own. We also do a lot of breathing exercises - Chacras? This is really good for helping me open up my chest.
2. Day 3 on Tamoxifen. So far so good. I have had some strange bladder bloating. I am wondering if its the Tamoxifen, the antibiotic I am on, or what. I have a post op appointment next week and will bring it up with my doc if it is still bothering me. I don't feel crazy hormonal so that is good.
Enjoy!! Until next time