First of all, I am so sorry for what you're going through. I know exactly how you feel, because I also suffer from a chronic pain disorder. I have Vulvodynia (specifically Vestibulitis) and it has made sex so painful for me. My husband and I have gone through what you've gone through too. The previous poster just does not understand, that substituting other positions/acts does not just make the problem go away or magically work itself out. I had a surgery too, it was my last option and my only hope, and it didn't take all the pain away. Renaeleeeckert, it kind of sounds like your symptoms match a disorder called "Vaginismus." What happens is your vaginal muscles tighten when your husband tries to enter you, and because you become so tight it is extremely painful for you and it makes it feel like he's too large to fit in. I would go see a physical therapist, possibly one who specializes in the pelvic floor muscles. These are the muscles that are tightening inside you, without you even knowing or controlling it. I explored this option in my quest for relief from my condition, but the exercises they had me do did not help. My condition is skin/nerve related. They inserted a little probe type thing into me, and it measures the tightness of the muscles, and whether it's normal or not. If this is your problem, you could find real relief, because it's just a matter or retraining your muscles. Look up this condition on the internet, please. If it's not the right one, you may discover what is by poking around. I really feel for you, I really do. My husband and I have had so many emotional problems, fights. I totally understand how frustrating, lonely, absolutely soul crushing it is to not be able to have sex with your own husband, to equate sex with pain, and to feel like you're less of a woman. I seriously hope that you find your cure. I'm still praying for mine. =( Look up vaginismus... it really sounds like that could be close to what you have. Sorry to leave you a novel, but you're not alone, I just want you to know that. There are a ton of groups on yahoo, I belong to one specially for conditions like ours, vaginal pain disorders. I cannot even tell you how wonderful it is to instantly be connected to women all over who know exactly what you are going through, and you can talk as candidly as you need to and they are so supportive and you can vent all you want. We all discuss treatments and emotional health and pass along information. I really hope you and your husband are doing okay, and people out there genuinely care, they really do. Take care. -katemonster

Oops, the rest of my message got cut off: I seriously hope that you find your cure. I'm still praying for mine. =( Look up vaginismus... it really sounds like that could be close to what you have. Sorry to leave you a novel, but you're not alone, I just want you to know that. There are a ton of groups on yahoo, I belong to one specially for conditions like ours, vaginal pain disorders. I cannot even tell you how wonderful it is to instantly be connected to women all over who know exactly what you are going through, and you can talk as candidly as you need to and they are so supportive and you can vent all you want. We all discuss treatments and emotional health and pass along information. I really hope you and your husband are doing okay, and people out there genuinely care, they really do. Take care. -katemonster