Sunny saw the dr. on friday and he told her that this cancer is usually fatal, regardless of treatment. If you think this sounds blunt or callous, I don't.  I'd rather have honesty, that gives me time to plan.

When she is gone, I will have half the income we've had together. As twins, we've lived together forever, and shared expenses, and both of us have horriific medical bills for our various illnesses. At least, we are not spouses, and I won't get stuck being responsible for her debt. In fact, I've begun telliong bill collectors she is ill, and may never contact them again, when they call. Some of the calls have stopped.

She knows how hard it is going to be for me, with half. To begin with, we've not been well to do for a while since we got diabled. She is very guilty, because she knows how hard it will be for me. I amn going whatever I can do to try and find services I'll need, and get connected with special services and such. It's still going to be riugh. At least I won't have her bills.

I have been wondering what other people do and have available, when a devastating illness takes away a contributong member of their household. There doesn't seem to be much, in the way of things that will help. I am going to be talking to a social worker next week, but honestly, I have spoken to some and they have not been helpful.

The dr. gave her a 6 month time frame, to live ... but the cancer could spread faster, so iN HAVE TO BUCK UP AND GET MOVING on what to do. Are you all ready ... I am very unwell, myself ... I don;t know how I keep going. The details of my own illnesses are too many to put here today, but understND i WILL BE very CHALLENGED, MYSELF, to get thru this all.

The hosppital is going to let me do a fund raiser this week, there. They have been most kind.

I took my mom out yesterday, and we took a breather from all of this and today I am taqking a "day off" from their care. I amtrying to prioritize, and to get ready for what's coming ... Sunny will have chemo this week if she is deemed strong enough, and I just know it will be as horrible as the 1st, even if it is a different kind of drug. Her trip to the dr's ofc was very apinful, and she was so sick yesterday ... Ma and I weren't guilty, we were out to lunch, and trying to fill her "goodie" drawer" at the nursing home. I get her things to keep on hand there.

That there trips me out. A facility that houses sick and old people who get a stipend of $35 for personal care items, and they have ti give up their social Security checks, to pay for each month, has snack and soda machines that cost $1.50 and $2 for tiny packages of snacks ... what sense does taht make? Nobody can afford them! So i get her stuff from the grocery. Yesterday we went to a warehouse store to stretch what little money we had. We didokay.

There's alot on my plate this week. I have alot to accomplish, alot to learn.

rainbow