I'm okay. I was determined to be and I am. ALOT more thasn some people want me to be. People are surprised to not see me go tom pieces ... If you had seen her the day before she passed, you'd know whjy. People say you are never prepared,that when it coimes, it's a shock. Not for me. I had well preparedmyself, and I knew it was over. iI can tell you when exactly I knew. It was at the dr's office on the previous Friday. When they were loading her in the ambulance to go back to the hospital. It was the way she said goodbye to me.  And on the Wednesday before when Ma and I went to see her, we talked to rhe phusical theraoists, and it was apparent they had assessed  this as well.

Yesterday I went to get her things and encountered one of thr physicak therapists. She told me she was not surprised, that she could see her losing the fight. It's not rocket science. It isn't because we are twins, all you nreally had to do was to look at her and be honest and you knew her end was very near.

I donated her whole body to science. It wasn't exactly what I'd have done under other circumstances. But it was the best choice at bthe time. We've been in financial trouble foir a year and I would have had a hellish way to go to get her dealt with, had I had to go to Social Services to get her buried. For more than a year, we had great social workers while we were getting disability ... but rules apply to us differently because we would no longer have a standing monthly appt. and the bereavement rules would kick in. I would have had several days of standing in a long line and I ciouldn;t fsce that. I'd have had to be in line,I kid you not by 5am. So the donation process was what I did. They will do the cremation free and return her to me in about 3 weeks. Easy.

So I ahve decided to have Sunny Day. Probably May the 1st.  I'LL GATHER ALL OF HER VBEST FRIENDS, and we'll have a prayer, and such ... even if we are all over the country. I'll pick a time, when I think we xan all do it together.

Half her jewelry was missing yesterday! AAARRRRRHHHHHFFF!!!!!! I kinda expected this ... I reported it but hoinestly none of it was expensi=ve.  So my plan is a little skewed. I wanted to restring all her stuff, fopr all of us. My idea is to take her stuff apart and make all of us a necklace, from all the pieces. Me, doing what I dombest, making soimething beautiful, sitting and meditating, and having a blast doing what I love most ... designing and making jewelry. I talked to two of the recipients yesterday and they liked this idea. Ma liked it, too, but along with that, she specifically asked for Sunny's pearl necklace taht she was wearing. I think Ma strung it for her, actually. Good thing that was still there. What the piece3s will be is thus ... Baltic Amber, Turquoise chunks, amethyst teardrops, fresh water pearls, and some filler beads. She had this gi-normous crystal and that was what was missing. About the size of a thumb ... I don't believe stones have "power", but people who do would absolutely FREAK OUT SIDEways WHEN THEY SAW IT. Amusing. Making some stuff for all of us seems to me to be the thing to do. I dohave ine other v=broken necklace I might. That one has some pretty cool stuff in it and is a medicine bag,

Now I have to move ... whew ...I hate moving!!!!! I will be really financially in deep doo doo foir a while and I don't know if I can recover.  My life is full of circling sharks (lawyers), loose ends and people trying to get me to do things and act in ways In don't want to.

I do not fell particularly alone ... Remember, I had a dress rehearsal ... I am okay, guys, I really am. Part of it was the dress reheatrsal and part of it is my faith. I know God is in CHARGE of the details ......

Rainbow